“In your childhood these behaviors were safe guards or what you probably needed to do to survive as best you could, but as an adult they are not working.”
Change the way you think and change your life.
I want you to help yourself change how you think, so you can change the way you act, thus changing your life for the better. A positive way to enhance your life is open to you. However, just like diets there is no quick fix. When do you want to start feeling better about yourself emotionally and stop using food as a coping mechanism? You can pay now or pay later. It takes work to examine your challenges, to recognize old behaviors and create healthy ones.
Unfortunately, some of our emotional foundations are not built with strong materials or are not made to withstand long-term sustainability. Our foundations such as “I am a good person, I like myself, I treat myself with respect, I should have good things happen to me, I want to be healthy, etc. are cracked or at the brink of collapse.
When this happens we start feeling frustrated with our thoughts about our lives. We dislike ourselves, certain situations, relationships, and/or careers. Life has many triggers for people that seem to take them into a downward spiral, once they appear. One of the ways to cope with these feelings, which always boil down to fear or hating yourself, is to overeat, under eat, control your eating to obsessive behavior, stop the current program in which you’re participating or to come up with excuses as to why you can not reach your goal. The biggest culprit of all is procrastination, “I know what I am supposed to do; I just do not do it”.
Therefore, the question becomes, “why not do it?” It is not because you are not smart or determined enough. It is because your brain (neurology) is avoiding dealing with anything that causes fear, pain, stress, anxiety etc. This is much more powerful than trying not to overeat on the couch in front of the TV at night. You will use food to deal with any structural tension that comes up in your life.
“However, you need to examine these feelings as to how they became to be part of your reality.”
Understand that there is always a benefit to a habit/belief or how you deal with things or else you would not do them. If you are afraid to fail at things because you were yelled at as a kid for any type of mistake or had to do everything perfectly growing up and you could not because no one is, perfect then your brain may come up with many excuses as to why you cannot eat well or exercise. The same is true if your parents or caretakers told you that things you did were not good enough. The scenarios are different for people but the outcomes are the same.
• I do not have time to go to the store to buy food
• I am very busy
• It is too hard
Therefore, if you set yourself up for failure you do not have to worry about letting yourself or anyone else with unbridled expectations down. Thus avoiding more pain or suffering. However, this vicious cycle is never broken and ends up causing even more pain because now you are frustrated that once again you cannot reach a goal you have set and feel even worse about yourself.
Understand that how you feel seems very real, which is why your thoughts and actions reflect these feelings. However, you need to examine these feelings as to how they became to be part of your reality. First, determine what triggered your feelings or your general state of mind. What were you feeling, why were you feeling this way, and from where did these feelings arise.
More often than not, we take the blame for situations or tell ourselves we are crazy or going out of our minds for how we are feeling since we do not know why. It is like the wizard in the Wizard of Oz, until the curtain came down and revealed the truth, everyone thought he was this great and all-powerful wizard and were frightened of him. He was just a man who created the illusion of something powerful. Suddenly, it was not mysterious or frightening anymore. The truth really does set you free.
“Start recognizing these in different aspects of your life and you will allow yourself to reach your goals.”
More than likely you did not learn to dislike yourself, or tell yourself to be perfect all the time, or blame yourself for everything. This is something you learned or experienced or saw as a child and overtime developed behaviors and attitudes/habits around it to get through it. In your childhood these behaviors were safe guards or what you probably needed to do to survive as best you could but as an adult they are not working. Moreover, now you carry these behaviors and thoughts with you but these are not yours to carry and after a while, they become too heavy. You can unveil the curtain as to why you have these behaviors or feelings but you will have to do the work as who they came from and why. This does not mean that you need to blame your parents or caretakers, just recognize that it came from them and you no longer have to keep sabotaging yourself.
Start recognizing these in different aspects of your life and you will allow yourself to reach your goals. You may tell yourself that this is too hard or too much work on your part but it will only get harder in the long run…unfortunately, you can pay now or pay later. Is it harder to lose 5lbs or 40 lbs., do you like being in your downward spiral or would you like to break the pattern? This old pattern is a great way to avoid the truth, to avoid ever losing weight or feeling better.
Once you work on this process, you can change your old patterns and negative thoughts and behaviors. You can replace them with new positive beliefs and perceptions and let go of some of your fears. This will allow more time in your life to think, plan, visualize, and evolve into something that will make you be the person you have always known yourself to be, instead of looking over your shoulder for fear of the next bad experience or situation to happen. This will enable you to reach goals but most importantly experience a little more liveliness and happiness in your life. Moreover, helping you maintain a healthy eating lifestyle and exercise program for life.
Dave Parise CPT
Dave Parise is a recognized leader in the fitness industry. On the cutting edge of exercise today, he has been voted one of the Top Personal Trainers in the United States and across Canada by the Association for Fitness Professionals, IDEA. Dave has 20 years of experience in Strength Training, Human Performance, and Exercise Science. Born and raised in Hamden, CT, he began his career as a body builder and certified trainer.
In 1986, Dave retired from competitive body building to establish a private one-on-one personal training facility located in Hamden, CT. Discouraged with common gym science and compulsory movements, he set out to change the fitness industry by setting new standards and proper training methods based on the function of one’s individual anatomy, not a manufactured machine. Dave Parise is a notable Celebrity Trainer in New York, Boston, and CT. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org